


fall

by honeybini



Category: Stray Kids
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Heavy Angst, Overthinking, han is briefly there, lee felix centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:01:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27072394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybini/pseuds/honeybini
Summary: let the rain fall, let the sky fall, let it all fall.—a completely fictional work in which lee felix feels too much and nothing all the same.
Kudos: 11





	fall

**Author's Note:**

> this work is completely fictional !! the title is based on the song fall by chloe x halle, so please give it a listen as you read.
> 
> trigger warnings !!  
> -anxiety  
> -panic attacks  
> this is a heavier fic, so if that will negatively affect you in any way, please do not read.

there it was again. unpredictable, but always on the edge, always thrumming beneath the surface, threatening to overwhelm him at its pleasure. the feeling invaded his chest, a pit expanding exponentially until he could only focus on that thrumming that had his mind sprinting and heart beating and stomach uneasy and fingers fidgeting. it was there.

felix was so tired of it. following him around everywhere. he’d felt it dragging with him throughout the lengthy school day. he’s felt it when he was in his room, alone, just him and the youtube dance tutorials and that pit ebbing slowly into his stream of overconsciousness. maybe he was deserving of this. after all, it wouldn’t leave him be, and he was always taught that “everything happens for a reason.” maybe that was a way for people to brush off the reality of their situation. maybe felix was thinking too much and his mind was sprinting again. too many maybes.

could he be sure of something? was that possible? “is that possible?” felix thought to himself as he flopped onto his bed, indifferent to the pain that flared up in his stomach.

“1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. 7.. 8.. 9.. 10..”

“10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..”

over, and over, again, until the pit retreated, leaving marks in its wake until felix felt a different kind of pain. one that squeezed him harshly and ate him up inside. it was hard to compare the pit to this. to felix, that was the least of his worries as the pain drained him. the day drained him.

thoughts darting. quiet.

when did he get this exhausted? when did it start? when did it come to this?

felix doesn’t know why he did it. he doesn’t know why he grabs his phone from under the blankets, and doesn’t know why his mind leads him to omegle of all places, but it does.

his phone screen and its glaring brightness and tones and felix’s fingers moving across the screen mindlessly until he’s connected to a stranger who also likes music and who also—

“hi :]” the random stranger types. felix stares at his screen, momentarily dumbfounded and pulled out of his mental corner, before his fingers typed out a simple “hey”.

stranger: so what’s up?

felix: nothing much, u?

stranger: nothing really.. what kind of music do u like?

felix: all i’ve been listening to is coldplay lol wbu

stranger: coldplay, huh? their music is timeless ...

timeless. a strange concept. one that felix experienced that night as he talked to that random stranger on omegle— biting thoughts and bottomless pits retreating further and further into his subconscious, almost like they weren’t there at all for the time being. “maybe that night wasn’t so bad,” felix thought after he closed his phone an hour later after exchanging impersonal twitters with the random stranger who he now knew as han.

he stared up at his ceiling, simply laying in his bed, basking in the unexpectedly freeing feeling of being numb for the first time in a while. maybe he could get used to this.

was he foolish for thinking so? his thoughts readily agreed, and felix realized that nothing would be enough. nothing would be enough once the pit returned at full force and settled back into its permanent home, right in his chest, where it waited for no one. where it was uncontrollable no matter how many breathing exercises he did. where it squeezed and where it overtook him. it had conquered him. he had lost. there it was again. it always was there.

the ceiling was dark and draped in shadows that reached out to felix and covered him in shades of gray and blues as he stared. eyes empty, head anything but. always thinking, constantly thrumming, constantly sprinting, constantly dodging and jumping. felix closed his eyes, hopelessly searching for a rest that was not there.

“ _let the rain fall, let the sky fall, let it all fall._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are very appreciated. thank you for reading! let me know if you liked it, and if you listened to fall by chloe x halle please let me know how you liked the song too. it’s one of my favorites.
> 
> p.s. i have a writing/reading (AUs+books) twitter now it’s @stasungie !!


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